Alcohol
by MJLS
Summary: He was a mess


**Disclaimer: **Don't own

**Authors Note: **random oneshot idea of a drunk!Cal and feeling a bit angsty myself so I came up with this little plot and wrote it out just like that.

* * *

Cal didn't know how much he had drunk that night; it wasn't really like he cared either. After the last case he had taken a few days off (actually Gillian forced him to do so since she claimed he looked like crap) and since Emily was at her mother's, he had just spend the few days in his house, on the couch and trying to get some sleep. Of course, everyone had called to see if he was alright but he hadn't even bothered to pick the phone up, instead letting the answering machine do it for him while he listened to the worried voices reaching his ears.

Letting his arm dangle over the side of the couch, Cal really considered dragging his body upstairs to the shower so he could at least look a bit presentable when somebody came to visit him because they grew tired of his answering machine, but instead he chose to take another gulp from the bottle in his other hand and closed his eyes, letting the alcohol go to his stomach. His vision started to get blurry slowly with every sip and every drop of the liquor entering his body but he didn't stop. It was like he was trying to block the memories out of his mind; the memories of his father calling him up in the early morning and saying that his mother had just shot herself. Just when they were sure she was getting better. It had killed him in the inside and it still did, every time of the day.

He had even made Zoe promise to him that she would never do something like that to Emily when his daughter was born and she had looked at him shell-shocked, not even understanding why he would even ask her to promise him that when they couldn't tell how their future was going to turn out but in the end, she did nod and promise him she'd try to prevent anything like that from happening. He sighed and put the half-empty bottle on the coffee table next to the couch before he sat up and groaned. The alcohol had definitely reached his head and it was making it spin. Burying it in his hands, Cal rubbed his tired eyes and took a deep breath, perhaps he should stop drinking so much but he couldn't help it. It aided him in forgetting all the memories that still managed to slip from the back of his mind to his thoughts during the day.

"Cal? It's Gillian? Pick up this goddamn phone right now and talk to me!"

Her voice sounded so clear yet so frustrated through the phone like that it surprised Cal. His head was throbbing at the loudness of the voice suddenly filling the silent filled room. Even though Gillian didn't even raise her voice or spoke any louder than she normally did, it still made Cal feel like his head was being split open.

"Cal Lightman, pick up your phone right _now_!"

Okay, now Gillian was pissed, Cal could hear it as clear as day even though he just stayed on his spot on the couch, his head buried in his hands and his fingers grasping onto his greasy hair. He sighed and stood up, letting his legs get used to his weight again before he strutted over to the phone and picked it up, his eyes squinting to see where he was going. He was sure to have a bruise forming on his knee from walking against the coffee table seconds earlier. Instead of actually saying something into the phone, Cal chose to just grunt and flop down on the other couch, his arm swung over his eyes to block out the (now too bright) light coming from the ceiling. He heard Gillian sigh at the other side of the line but didn't say something snarky and instead just waited for her to start talking first.

"I suppose you're not going to say anything in your defence?"

"Defence?"

For now, his thoughts were still coherent enough for him to make up full sentences but he knew that it wouldn't take long for him to start talking nonsense and actually blurt out of everything that was on his mind. That was just how he was whenever he had drunk too much or spends more than a week without sleep.

"Nevermind," Gillian sighed.

Cal didn't say anything back and really fought the urge to just hang up on her but something in the back of his mind stopped him from doing so. He heard her laboured breathing on the other side of the line as they just hung on the phone with each other in silence.

"Cal, I-"

"-don't bother," Cal sighed, "I shouldn't have snapped at you in the first place."

"But-"

"-don't Gillian," he interrupted her for the second time in the past few minutes. He was drunk yes and could handle a lot less in this state. The last thing he wanted to hear was his best friend and partner apologizing to him for not being there for him.

"Alright. When are you coming back to work?" Gillian switched the caring tone in her voice to a more professional one and it made Cal realize how much he really liked it whenever she would talk to him like he wasn't her boss. They were equals in his mind, but apparently not in hers.

"Soon," he didn't say anything else before he hung up the phone and stayed on the couch for a few more minutes, just laying there in the silence of his otherwise deserted home. Deciding that it was best if he cleaned himself up, he managed to hoist himself up from the couch, take another big gulp from the bottle on the coffee table that he had forgotten about and drag his own aching body up the stairs, the bottle of alcohol still clutched in his hand as if it was his lifeline at that moment in time.

Doubting for a moment whether he should take a shower first or perhaps some sleep in an actual bed, Cal ended up standing in the middle of his hallway, trying to decide what to do while he occasionally sipped from the bottle in his hand. One of his eyes was about to shut itself because it couldn't deal with the lack of sleep anymore while his other one just showed him a more blurred version of what his hallway was supposed to look like.

He was a mess.

An outright_ mess_.

He let his figure slump as he took baby steps towards the bathroom, a shower first would perhaps make him feel more alive, less like a mess and give him a mind that actually made sense. Because right now, all he could think about was how good vodka would taste if he mixed it with some rum and wine. Snorting in amusement of his own thoughts, he quickly discarded of his rumpled white shirt and threw it in the laundry basket to be washed, same with his pants and underwear. The hot water soon covered every inch of his naked body as he leaned against the wall of the shower, closing his eyes and letting the wet drops fall on his tired eyelids and wash away the dirt that had managed to cover him even though it was invisible.

He didn't know how long he had been under the shower but when he suddenly heard the front door opening downstairs he stumbled out of the shower (but not without falling on his face first), covered himself up and grabbed some clean pants from his bedroom just next to the bathroom. He didn't really bother to cover his chest up; after all, it was still his house.

"Dr. Lightman?"

Running his fingers through his soaked hair, Cal squinted into the dark hallway and made his way towards the stairs, only relying on touch as he was too lazy and out of it to even think about turning on the light. He bit his lip as he finally managed to reach the stairs and looked down, a frown on his brow and slightly wondering how he was going to get down.

Alcohol really did make him stupider than he would like.

"Dr. Lightman!"

Torres' voice was louder than he would've liked as he winced and held a hand to his head. The fall earlier hadn't really helped the aching part of his body as he slowly made his way down the stairs, one step at the time and taking all the time in the world to get down. Both of his hands were on the wall to support him as he kept going.

"Dr. Lightman? Can you hear me? Say something!"

Her voice got louder and louder with every second that passed. Cal groaned and ended up letting himself fall backwards so he was sitting down on the bottom of the stairs, once again with his head in his hands. The sunlight that poured into the room through the still open door made his head ache even more and Cal did everything to prevent that.

"Dr. Lightman?" Torres asked again, by now her voice was filled with worry and she had gotten closer to Cal, he looked up and squinted against the bright light that shone in his eyes and nodded in response. He saw her breath in relief as she threw her arms around him, shocking him with the sudden moving of his body being pulled against another person's body in a hug. He didn't respond in the hug and just let himself go limp instead of hugging his employee back.

"I was so worried, and we didn't hear from you for the past few days and after the recent case I thought-"

"-shut up," he grumbled, wincing at her voice filling the room with its noise and entering his already aching head. He saw surprise cross over her face for only a brief second but it was long enough for him to see it even in the drunken state he was in. If you could still call it being drunk that is. The woman shut up however and looked at him with a curious gaze, wondering what would escape from his lips next.

"How is he?"

"He looks drunk," Torres said to Gillian who crouched down in front of him and placed her hand over his own that was covering his face from the rest of the world.

"I'm not drunk," Cal let his words slur as he finally looked up and saw Gillian's worried eyes looking at his face, "whut? I has sumfing on mah face?"

"You look like crap."

"Ohrly?" he was starting to feel the effects of all the alcohol he had consumed for the past few days take control over his tongue and his speech.

"Have you even slept?" Gillian looked at him, worry written all over her face while Torres stood behind her, her arms crossed in front of her chest as she looked at the mess that was her boss.

"Nightmares," Cal muttered, it was probably the only word he had been able to pronounce right now that didn't sound all butchered up. Before he knew it, Gillian's thumb was stroking his cheek as she placed her lips on his forehead and kissed it, her lips lingering on his skin for a few long seconds that felt like forever in Cal's mind.

"I'm going to get him something to drink."

"Thers still sum whiskey in the fridge, bring tat!" Cal yelled after her, once again slurring taking over his speech. Torres acted like she didn't hear him and ended up coming back with a bottle of water instead. Why Cal even had water in his house was beyond him but then remembered that Emily loved it and he always bought it for whenever she was around.

"No more alcohol for you boss," she said as she pushed the water in Cal's hands and he started staring at it like it was the newest invention.

"Just drink Cal."

"But, what if it ain't yummy?" he pouted, putting the bottle of water next to him and refusing to look at it again. Being drunk really did make him do the weirdest things.

Gillian sighed, even though she lost her baby, she had gained one right now with Cal being out of it and totally acting like drinking water was the end of the world. She had to suppress a small smile as she opened the bottle and literally pressed it against Cal's lips, forcing him to take at least one sip from it.

He sputtered against it for a moment and the moment the bottle was from his lips, Cal winced and wiped his lips clean from the beverage that had just entered his mouth. It felt so clean and soothing, the complete opposite of the alcohol he has been drinking for the past few days.

"Yuck, Gillian," he pronounced her name just like a whine and even though his whole house was dark and he looked like a complete mess, he still couldn't keep the scowl away from his face and Gillian couldn't help but giggle at his childish behaviour.

"Come on you; let's get you on the couch so you don't fall asleep or unconscious on the stairs right here."

"Couch no comfy, u be moar comfy Gillian," Cal stood up and wobbled a bit on his legs before he staggered towards the couch and fell on it, his whole body already giving up on moving again for the next few hours.

"Well at least he can still talk," Gillian sighed, looking at Cal before she decided to get him in a more comfortable position on the couch and drape one of the blankets over his thin frame but not halting for a few minutes to admire how peaceful he actually looked, even if he was passed out from drinking. His chest was rather muscular for a man his age and the tattoo's covering his arms always did interest her.

"I'm fighting the urge to slap him," Torres said darkly under her breath as she looked at her boss on the couch, "I can't believe he took the past few days off only to sit here and wallow in his own grief getting drunk."

"Torres, I told him he needed to take time off, and trust me, I didn't expect this either."

"Don't protect him from what he did Gillian, you're not his mother."

Gillian flinched and placed some of Cal's hair behind his ear as she looked at him sadly, "no, I'm not, but I'm his friend and he needed to be alone for these few days."

Ria looked at the two people in front of her with compassion and finally started understanding the close bond they shared with each other. A bond she was jealous of. A bond she really wanted to start with her boss but he just wouldn't let her in like he let Gillian in. She sighed and sat down on the other couch, staring at the two people she started admiring more and more with every word they spoke.

* * *

The next day had to be the worst day Cal ever had at his own firm. Not only did he have a killer headache, he also had to endure Gillian mothering him every hour; asking him if he was alright. He wasn't a baby; he was an adult and could take care of himself. And that was also what he had told her but she had only replied with 'yeah I saw that when you were alone at your house for a few days'.

He laid down his head on his folded arms and stared at the glass that formed his desk. He really felt like sleeping but Gillian had pushed him the next case file in his hands and clearly taken over the position of being the boss of the firm for the day since he was not even capable of standing on his feet long enough without swaggering back and forth. Loker had said something snarky but Cal had been too grumpy to think up of a response and just grunted and walked back to his office, ignoring the man who was trying not to smile at his boss' situation.

"That's it, no more alcohol for me," Cal sighed.


End file.
